Realizing Real Love Through A Special Necklace

When I received this necklace today in the mail, I realized it symbolized much more than the name of my son.  It was bought for me by someone special, someone who has loved me since day one, and I am finally recognizing what real love is.  Real love is rare, but it does exist.  Pay attention!


In November of 2007, I met a man briefly through a mutual friend that we had.  I thought he seemed nice, but also thought I'd never see him again after our first encounter.  Well, I was COMPLETELY wrong.  We ended up becoming good friends and not much later, I fell in love with him.  After years of trying to maintain a relationship with him, I realized that it couldn't work between us because we were on totally different paths in life.  We had numerous trials and tribulations for about five years.  He wasn't ready for a commitment and that's what I needed and wanted.  I fought as long and hard as I could until one day I had no choice but to give up.  I made a decision to cut off all ties with him because I had to focus on moving on.


After that relationship ended, I became very involved in church and was working on building a stronger relationship with God.  I got baptized in February of 2014.  I needed to find myself and create a life full of passion and purpose.  I spent a lot of time exercising, practicing photography and spending time with my girlfriends.  For about three years, I was 100% single and was content with being alone.  I found happiness in myself and realized someone else couldn't determine my joy.


In July of 2015, I reconnected with someone special from my past.  We started dating shortly after running into each other when we were both out one evening.  Fast forward to March of 2016, we got pregnant, and he chose to leave me.  (This piece is basically irrelevant for this blog post.)  Anyways,  I am now 33 weeks along in my pregnancy, and I wouldn't have made it this far without all the wonderful support from my friends.  Even more so, I wouldn't have made it without this man whom I met back in November of 2007.  Let me just say this ...."Everything Happens For A Reason!" is not just an old phrase -- it's the absolute TRUTH!


After about three years of not communicating or seeing this friend of mine, he comes back into my life when I'm pregnant and depressed.  Since the day I called him (about 2 weeks after I took the pregnancy test) to tell him this life-changing news, he has never left my side.  I don't see him every day, but just getting a "good morning" or "how are you feeling?" text almost every day has comforted me so much during this difficult time.  Often, I feel alone and when I see his call/text come through, I know God is watching over me every step on the way.  The days I do get to spend time with him are the days I feel most at peace.  To know that someone you once loved with your entire heart and soul is there for you when you least expected it opens your eyes to realize what true love is.  I shouldn't even say "once loved" because I will always love him - just in a different way.  Our bond is so strong and that is why we can still remain friends after all the difficult times we experienced when we tried to be a couple.  I have learned that forgiveness is the only way to find peace.  Forgiveness sets you free and helps you to grow.  No one is perfect and everyone will always disappoint us at some point in our lives.  You just have to notice who is worth the tears and who isn't.


I could never thank this man enough for all he has done for me throughout my pregnancy.  From asking if I needed accompanied to a doctor's appointment, sitting with me for several hours at the hospital for testing and taking me out to eat when I'm craving something serious.  Oh, and I can't forget to mention the day he walked into the maternity store at the mall with me!  To some people, these things may seem minor or insignificant.  However, to me, it means the world.  Simple acts of kindness are what count the most.


I decided to share this because I know that we all experience tribulations in life, and I never want to see anyone lose hope.  I wish that wherever you are in your life, someone is there to remain by your side and cheer you on.  Often, we break ourselves down during the bad times ....so when someone is there to tell you that everything will be okay, it makes a big difference in our mindset.  Never lose faith and always remember that someone loves you (possibly even the person you thought didn't).


Blessings & Happiness to All!

~ J. Lynn

Insomnia During Pregnancy

It’s NOT FAIR that when you need it the most, you can't get it. You keep on telling yourself it's the last chance for a long time (at least until your baby's snoozing through the nighttime). Nonetheless, you still can't get any sleep. Insomnia hits particularly hard in the third trimester of pregnancy.  I’m on Week 32, Day 3 of my pregnancy and I’m going CRAZY trying to deal with this!

What Roots It?

A complex combination of all the hormonal fluctuations, numerous trips to the bathroom, leg cramps, and pre-birth anxiety can all cause difficulty sleeping around week 33 of pregnancy.  For me, the number one cause is anxiousness about labor since it will be my first time, and I don’t know what to expect. The second biggest thing that is affecting me is the constant thoughts about whether or not my son’s father will decide to show up and be a part of his life.  I know I can handle being a single mama, but I want my son to feel loved by his father as well.  I want the BEST for my son as any mother would.  I am continuously praying to God about these things, but yet still can’t seem to escape the worry.  It’s something I need to work on.

What You Must Know

You're undoubtedly getting more shut-eye than you think, but between the fact that your sleep is intermittent by your need to pee, and the fact that you're tossing and turning all night, it's no surprise you're feeling as if you're not sleeping during pregnancy at all. If there's any optimistic side here, it's the guarantee that you're getting some concrete preparation for what lies ahead.

What You Can Do

Don't fear. Insomnia can't hurt you or your baby. Sometimes just letting go of the worry and giving it to God is all it takes to help you sleep.

If you have insistent worries that are keeping you up each night, talk about them with a friend and try to sort them out during daytime hours.  Another thing to try is writing your thoughts down in a journal to help clear your mind.

Avoid caffeine, particularly in the late afternoon or evening, since that can keep you awake.

Drink earlier. Fill your daily requirement of H2O during the early evening to decrease the bathroom runs after you've hit the sack.

Move your body. Get some daily pregnancy exercise, but not too close to bedtime (a post-workout high can give you an energy boost and keep you awake).

Make a bedtime routine. Try to go to sleep and get up at the same time every day. Every night, read a book or play soft music.  One thing that has seemed to help me is a free app that I downloaded on my iPhone called “Ocean Wave Sounds for Sleep and Relaxation” (I’m a huge ocean lover!).

Get comfy. If you're uncomfortable, you won't sleep. Is your bedroom too cold? Is it too hot? Check the temperature, and make sure you're using a mattress that provides solid support.  A body pillow can help you get comfortable, and help you get the sleep you need.

Don't use sleep aids. Don’t depend on on over-the-counter, prescription or herbal pills to help you sleep. These are dangerous during pregnancy.

If you're not sleeping, get up. If you’re not asleep after 20 to 30 minutes of trying, conquer a small task that needs to be done and then try to go to sleep again.

Don't tally the hours. Though most people do best on eight hours of sleep, some do well on less and some require more. So instead of targeting for a specific number of sleep hours — ask yourself how you're feeling on the hours you're sleeping during pregnancy. If you're not persistently tired, you may be getting enough rest.

Sleep well during your last trimester beautiful mamas!!!

~ J. Lynn

Nurture Your Friendships

Even the solid friendships need to be nurtured. I’ve found some successful ways to let your closest friends know how important they are to you, and I’d like to share this information so that you can have lasting friendships.

1. Text or call—or write a card, note or email—expressing how much the friendship means to you. 

2. Send a photo of a wonderful time you had together in the past and tell the person how happy it makes you feel that you’re still friends after all these years.

3. Instead of always saying, “We have to get together,” make concrete plans. Get out your calendar and set up a time to get together—even if it’s just over a cup of coffee. 

4. Plan a getaway. Perhaps you’ve both been busy and haven’t seen each other for a while. Pledge to spending uninterrupted time together on an extended visit or on vacation so you can rewire and create new memories.

5. Apologize if you should. If something has currently gotten in the way of your friendship and you think you may have been at fault, don’t be too big to apologize.

6. Express your love through actions. Give your closest friends a big hug or a kiss and remind them how important they are to you. You may even want to send flowers or something they enjoy as a treat.

7. Last but not least, be around when they are going through a difficult situation. Don’t just show up when it’s convenient or for the fun times.

Friendship is an essential part of living a healthy lifestyle. Spread the love!

~ J. Lynn

Sometimes Life Betrays You But You Learn To Find The Sunshine Anyways

Hardly any words can come close to describing the pain you feel when you realize that the person who was once your best friend has become a stranger to you. It’s a deeper kind of loss, because it’s not like that person just betrayed you. Life betrayed you. You never envision someone you've known and loved for eight plus years to not be who you thought they were. You expect the one person that you have shared all your dreams, hopes and scars with to be your biggest supporter and to never leave your side when things get tough. One day, you think you're going to tie the knot, and the next moment you find out you're pregnant which leads to you to being single.

You don’t doubt that you loved your ex or that your ex loved you, but when your ideas of love failed to match up, so did the relationship. You look back on the good times and laugh, and reflect on the bad ones to remind yourself of how far you've come. It’s not that you’re not open to the idea of love again. It’s just that when it does happen, you’ll go in with open eyes. Now is the period of time when you aren’t sure if you’re going to make it … to the end of the week or even through the day. You’re in a dark place.

I didn’t laugh for months. I was terrified that I wasn’t going to be able to raise a happy child or fall in love again. I was feeling as if this darkness would never go away. Others opinions, including my own twin sister's, were causing me so much doubt and fear. The gossip and judgment from certain people was destroying my mental state. My tunnel was filled with lots of words I am not fond of: anxiety, depression, desolation, fear, frustration, loneliness, sadness. I recall many weekends lying on the couch and thinking to myself that if I just took another nap, I would wake up and this would only be a bad dream. I had to find a way to stay focused with my work, keep my body healthy, and my bank account full.

It took me a while to find the right "formula" of things that helped me. There were 3 things that helped me through my tunnel: God's word, exercise and a variety of personal-development books. I used these things to push me, help me grow, and encourage me to move forward. Although I endorse my formula, each individual has things that work best for them through their tunnel.

The best approach to crack your code is to try different activities to find the ones that reverberate most with you. If practicing yoga sounds fun, do yoga. If reading a certain book sounds interesting, do that. The idea is to create a list of action items that work for you. You’ll refer to this list over and over again.

There is never an end to this process, single mama. I am still trying my best to grow and learn. Each time I reread a book or re-evaluate an old process, I will hear “new” things and some of the same things differently. I’m eager about the changes that will occur internally, which will allow for some exhilarating changes to occur externally.

You can incessantly improve and love yourself in spite of any mistakes or slip-ups. You can take the time you need for you, so take it and enjoy it. It's faultlessly okay to focus closely on your child. You, as your child's solo parent, are enough. Your child is going to turn out great. You get what you focus on, in love and in life. You can find new love again. You must forgive yourself, daily if necessary. You're not a victim, you're a conqueror.

Whatever you want for yourself and your child, you can craft it. Simply take the first step, and then the next, and so on. Take ownership of every facet of your life. Single mama, you're freaking fabulous!

I want to finish here with some encouragement from a single mama: “You’re going to make it! There are lots of sacrifices, but you will make it. I promise you the days will get easier, and the sunshine will come your way!”

~ J. Lynn