Pregnancy Gave Me The Chance To Be a Maternity Model for a Day & a Role Model for a Lifetime

It feels good to know others still find me beautiful while I'm pregnant.  I have really been struggling with self-image issues lately.  I recently got asked to be a maternity model by a talented Pittsburgh photographer for a photo shoot at North Park.  Through this modeling experience, I have gained more confidence in myself physically.  However, through the experience of being single and pregnant, I have reached a high level of confidence mentally.

I hear it a lot, "Wow, You're so beautiful" which is flattering and of course it's nice, but I want to be known for more because I am more!  I deserve to be known for my intelligence and all I’m doing to further my future and my son’s future.  I want people to know who I am as a person because I have worked hard to become the great young woman I am. 

I want people to know the real me.  I want everyone to know how strong I am, how much I have overcome in my life to get where I am today.  I want women to know they don't need to be validated by how they look but by who they are on the inside.  I want women to know they don't need a man's opinion on how they look to matter.  I want to show the world that beauty is how you treat others and what you do, not how you look.  If you are pretty on the inside, then that just makes your outside appearance that much more beautiful.  Life is so much more than being "pretty".

Some of the best stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about making the best of each moment because we really don’t know what will happen next. Maybe I didn’t get my perfect ending, but I will get something so much better.  Mistakes are inevitable in a life worth living. As long as I learn from them, mistakes are very important. They have taught me exactly what I want and who I want to be.  There are some days, I feel miserable.  Those days end up leaving me stronger, more appreciative, more compassionate, and wiser.  Beautiful people do not just transpire - life is all about experience.

I am constantly wondering and questioning my decisions but that is a sign of intelligence.  I am aware when I am not content with something and I never want to settle.  So many people stay where they are - emotionally or physically - because it takes bravery to withstand the severe pains of self-discovery.

I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.  Sure, being a single mom isn't always ideal, and it can be hard raising a child on your own.  Nonetheless, the ones "winging" it usually are quite happy.  I’m the one making the decisions for my son now and when he arrives.  The up-side is I won’t have to answer to anyone. While struggling and hustling, I’ve managed to find a balance between enjoying my life and also preparing for my son’s arrival. 

To those who judge me, look down on me, or don't support me -- GOODBYE!!  To the outside world, sometimes it seem like my journey has been a walk in the park, but it certainly hasn’t.  Behind the scenes, I've cried myself to sleep and called my friends in the middle of the night because my heart kept breaking over and over again.  Because of my son’s father, I have had to step up to the plate and hustle harder than ever.  I have had to go outside of my comfort zone and do a million things I never thought I’d be able to do.  It was his job to teach me that people don’t leave when things get hard --that people fight for what’s worth fighting for -- but he didn't.  It was his job to be the one man in the world who would never hurt me, but he failed.  He thought that his circumstances were an excuse to stop being there for me.  He let his past, pride, demons and selfishness be a validation to stop fighting for me.  I will forgive him, but I'll never forget his lack of commitment to myself or to our son.  However I thank him, because I’m now a mother and I’ll get to experience the best thing in the entire world.  I may struggle, but I have learned how to let toxic things go and carry on that much stronger.

If you are going through a trial in your life, keep your head to the sky.  When it gets hard to stand, kneel down and pray.  You are an OVERCOMER.  Just like my tattoo says, "Faith Will Conquer".

~ J. Lynn