If I Would Have Known...

Most of my life, I have been the friend that always put forth so much effort to maintain the friendship. I consistently reached out and arranged plans to get together. Sometimes, I would feel as if I was the only one putting in effort. I still continued to call and check on my people. When I love you, I LOVE YOU. I don't know how to be fake. I've always been REAL and RAW with my feelings towards people. I think I am this way because to me, my friends are my family. I wouldn't know what family meant if it weren't for my friends. I thank God every single day for blessing me with the most amazing people. 

Each friendship is different. Some aren't as strong as others. Some don't last as long. Nonetheless, all of them are meaningful to me. I have learned so many lessons from each of my friends. Some of the lessons were difficult and taught me things to avoid. Some were good and made me want to strive to do better. I feel that God always knew who I needed in my life and when I needed them. There were times I hadn't talked to a certain person in years, and then out of nowhere, He would place them back in my life at exactly the right moment to comfort me and tell me what I needed to hear. I feel so fortunate to every person that has been a friend to me at some point, no matter how long. 

Where am I going with this? I am saying that I hope if you're reading this and you've been a friend to me....please know I appreciate you and I LOVE YOU.  I have lost too many people in the last three years after moving to South Carolina. Those people I've lost were incredibly important to me and I am not sure that all of them knew that.  I have tears in my eyes as I am writing this because If I Would Have Known that I was going to lose them.... I would have made the moments last longer.  I would have made sure they knew how much I loved them and still do.  I am 37 years old, and I never imagined losing so much FAMILY this early in my life. We all say life is short, but do we truly realize how short?  I'm not sure I realized until recently. 

I have always been the girl that took "too many" photographs and videos. I learned a while ago through grieving people that were still alive, that memories and photographs are the only thing that last a lifetime. Change is constant, and we never know what tomorrow is going to look like. I will continue to take snapshots and clips of my family until the day I close my eyes. It is what keeps me smiling on days like today. 

Today is Christmas Eve. I am home reminiscing about my family who is still with me and those who have left me. A little over a week ago, I found out that I lost another person who I considered family. She was on my mind right around the time of her passing, and I am kicking myself for not attempting to reach out. I would give anything to have one more genuine conversation with her.  I wish we could cry and laugh together just one more time. We had quite a bit in common, and she always had the right words for me. She could make me laugh on my worst day, and I pray she knew that. She was full of light and love. She was so beautiful (inside and out). Damn, I wish things were different. I wish we would have been in contact. I can't go backwards, so I just have to move forward and find peace with this. I will continue to look at our photographs together and listen to her laugh every time I think of her. 

This holiday season is my reminder to do better... to go back to being the friend who makes the effort even when I don't feel like it. Life is constantly busy being a single mom, but I need to focus of who is important to me and make sure they know it. So when ya'll get random texts from me saying "I love you."---- now y'all know why. I pray that my friends (near and far) know how much they mean to me. Tomorrow isn't promised so I am letting y'all know today. I LOVE YOU ALL! 

Many Blessings,

J. Lynn

Life is Fragile

Life is fragile. The slightest change, one decision can alter everything. Your life can take a totally different direction in a matter of minutes. Usually, we don't know how the decisions we make each day will impact our paths until much later in the future. People come and go from our lives so frequently, and all we are left with are memories. We take those memories, both good and bad, and try to understand what it all means.

I have made a few big decisions in the past that I expected to take me down a certain path, and come to find out, I ended up on an alternative path that God planned out for me. We can only see the small scale of the picture. God has the big picture which is out of our hands. 

During college, I chose to leave my current school and transfer to a school in my hometown. At the time, I thought I was making the right choice. Little did I know that I would start hanging out with the wrong crowd and become involved in several toxic romantic relationships. That one decision put me on a path that I never saw coming. However, I don't have regrets because failing is how we grow. If I wouldn't have experienced all those bad relationships, I wouldn't be the strong woman I am today. 

In my 30s, I made a conscious decision to have sex with someone who was not committed to me. That decision led me to being a single mother. When I first found out I was pregnant and was going to be raising a child on my own, I was devastated. Being abandoned caused me so much anger and resentment. The depression I experienced was unreal. I didn't understand why God would put me in this situation.  Three years later, I had an opportunity to move to my dream location near the ocean. This would not have been possible if I were still with my son's father. He would never leave his hometown to build a new life somewhere else. I am incredibly grateful that things didn't work out in Pittsburgh with my son's father. I thought that was what I wanted, but I would have been settling. 

Since moving to the beach, I've experienced constant change. I chose to cut ties with my family. I chose to end relationships with certain friends who were no longer supporting me and lifting me up. I quit two jobs in a year's time. I met several new people, some of which were temporary friendships and some that turned into strong, lasting friendships. My point is all these decisions seem small at the time when you're making them, but they can lead you to places you never saw coming. And because life is fragile, I am holding onto the present moment with everything in me. I don't want to take my eyes off this chapter of my life where everything seems to make complete sense.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, it just takes a long time to find out the reason why. If all these events didn't take place in my life, I would not be where I am today. I would not have met the people here who I am so thankful to have in my corner.  I am so happy to be standing here today in complete awe of how my life has turned out. God knows what we need. Don't ever doubt that. 

- J. Lynn

You Must Know Your Worth

If you know your worth … you won’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

For as long as I can remember, I let people’s opinions of me control my emotions and my life. However, when I was about the age of 26 or 27, I knew my goal was to live a simple life at the beach. I tried for quite some time to land a job so I could move out of Pittsburgh. Things didn't go as I had hoped. 

When I was 31, I found out I was pregnant. The father of my child straight up abandoned me. My family was very disappointed with the situation so the negative comments coming from them were drowning me. I wanted to kill myself. I literally thought I would be better off dead. Being surrounded by a toxic environment while being pregnant is brutal. 

My sister told me that I was going to be in debt for the rest of my life once my child arrived.  I was called a slut and a whore by my mother. My mother told me I had failed her and that she was broken because of my choices. Both of my parents said that I was going to have such a hard life raising a biracial child in this world and that I would be constantly judged. Meanwhile..."hello" ..they were judging me! Every where I looked, I was being judged. I never had a good relationship with my family, but this was the icing on the cake for me. 

Once my son was born, my parents were helpful but only because they wanted to be in control of everything I did. They continued to try to dictate my every move. They continued to criticize me, whether it was about my parenting skills, or me wanting to have a night out. The comments just never ended. I knew if I wanted to heal and move forward in life, I had to leave my environment for good. 

My son’s father slowly came around. He decided to come meet him when he was 3 months old. He would visit periodically, like every few months, for the first two years. He saw him more frequently after my son turned two, but still not enough in my opinion. 

My parents and my son’s father continued to do more harm than good though. My mental state was always terrible because of their toxicity. I continued to do the best I could to raise my son in not so healthy environment. However, I also continued to work my ass off in my career so that I could potentially change jobs in order to move out of Pennsylvania. I was applying for jobs left and right, and I had plenty of interviews but nothing was panning out. That didn’t stop me!

Finally, in January of 2020, my dream of living at the beach in South Carolina became my reality. 

God’s timing is always the right timing. We may not understand the timing of things, but we have to trust God and remain patient. I wake up every day now with zero toxicity and the ocean by my side.

I am so proud of myself for recognizing my worth after all the years of unacceptable behaviors that I was accepting from people that I loved. I had the courage to leave all those people behind who had treated me in ways that were unacceptable and inexcusable. I had the strength the persevere. 

- J. Lynn

I Chose Myself Over Love

Life presents us with a lot of difficult choices and we are the choices we make.

So what happens when the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with wants completely different things out of it than you do?  Well, you have to make a choice .... to stay with the one you love or live the lifestyle you desire. Most people would probably say to pick the person you want to be with, because love conquers all. On the contrary, I believe faith conquers all.

At the end of '07, I fell in love with someone at first sight. I spent years (more than a decade to be exact) going back and forth with this person because of our differences. Our morals and values just didn't match up.  Our priorities in life were extremely opposite.  No matter how different we were, I still loved this person with every piece of my soul. Matter of fact, I still do. 

In the spring of 2016, I got pregnant. When I found out I was bringing a baby into this world, my priorities changed even more.  I was going to make sure that my lifestyle was not only the lifestyle I wanted, but one that was suitable for my son. I made a decision to choose us (my son & I) over the person I loved. If I were to have chosen the person I loved over the life that I wanted, my self-worth would slowly diminish and weaken over time. 

Listen here, being in love is an amazing and wonderful thing!  However, there should never be a toss-up between the person you love and the life that you want. Love shouldn’t have to be the largest compromise of your life. Some may say that love is about making sacrifices and you can’t have it all your way. This is true to a point. But you should be able to have what matters to you at the same time.

You should be able to be with somebody you love and also live a life that rejuvenates and inspires you. You should be able to seek what you want out of this world without the risk of losing the person you value most. You should be able to express how you feel without fear and be able to grow together while experiencing new things that interest you both.

To this day, I wake up every morning thinking about the person I walked away from. This person is also my last thought each evening when I lay down. You can love someone and not be with them. You can hold someone in your heart forever. Sometimes loving someone from a distance is what is best. Some days, I pray that our lifestyles will match up eventually. You cannot force someone to change their ways. You can't make someone get on the same page as you. So, what you need to do is choose YOURSELF before THE ONE YOU LOVE.  Love yourself most! Don't sign yourself up for a lifetime of difficult choices.

I chose to live the life I want.  I chose to put my desires first. Cutting the tie between this person and myself was the hardest decision of my life. In life, we must do hard things. We don't grow until we make the choices that are hardest to make. I am pursuing the life I have dreamed about. I have zero regrets. 

~ J. Lynn

Hustle No Matter What

I am going to give you some background info so ya'll understand how much this story means to me and how hard I worked for this goal I just recently achieved.

In the summer of 2003, I started college in Conway, South Carolina (just a few miles from the beach). Leaving Pittsburgh was something I knew I wanted to do when I was 17.  After a couple years of living on a college campus, I just couldn't do it any longer. I didn't like having roommates (especially not 3 other people).  I have been an introvert for my entire life.  Living with other females that were strangers just wasn't my jam.  I wanted to live on my own and I couldn't afford to do so.  There was no way that I was going to make it another 2 years of living with roommates so I packed up my bags and moved back to Pittsburgh. When I left SC, my sister said to me "I knew you wouldn't last long being away from home." I laughed. I was hurt, but I laughed it off. Just because things don't work out the way you plan sometimes doesn't mean you shouldn't try something different. You won't learn unless you take yourself outside of your comfort zone.

In 2005, I enrolled at La Roche and finished off my Bachelors degree while I lived at home in my parents' house.  While attending La Roche, I started hanging with the "wrong" crowd. I was in a couple toxic relationships that lasted way longer than they should have and I became depressed.  I lost myself for a long time. After college, I got my first job in downtown Pgh at an accounting firm. To say I disliked that job is an understatement. I only lasted 10 months so I threw up the deuces to that company. My family and friends thought I was nuts to take a 10K pay cut, but I knew my happiness was more important than money.

Sooo let's fast forward this a bit to where this story starts to get better. In 2007, I found a company close to home that I stuck with for 11 years.  When I started there, I worked in the accounting department. I never really liked accounting work, but it was all I knew how to do (so I thought).  Finally after several years of hard work and proving myself to this company, I decided to inquire about a position in the sales operations department.  Soon after I inquired, I started my new position that the company created for me as a "Sales Operations Specialist". I learned that role simply by trial and error.  I had support from peers and guidance from my boss, but no formal training.

In 2013, I was really focused on eating healthy and working out routinely.  I was trying my hardest to get rid of toxic habits and toxic relationships. Going to church also became a part of my routine. I wanted to work on my relationship with Jesus Christ. Reading personal development books and the Bible helped me mentally.  After working on own lifestyle, I felt passionate about wanting to help other women become their best self.  I found out about a nutrition course that was available online to become a Certified Health Coach. I mentioned it to my family and some friends. Most of the responses I received were similar to this "You already have a career and won't make any money being a health coach." I said F*** it.  I signed up and paid the tuition so that I could gain the knowledge I needed to help myself and help others, whether I made a living out of it or not. I also studied and became a Certified Personal Trainer. I was very proud of myself for receiving both of those certifications.  Did I make a career out of it? No.  Do I regret taking those courses? No.
Again, things don't always turn out how we hope or expect them to. However, I still use that knowledge to keep myself healthy. I still help others when they ask for it even though I am not profiting from it. Will I ever become a health coach? Maybe - I don't know exactly what the future has in store for me.

Towards the end of  2015, I began to feel complacent with my career.  I knew I wanted to get back to the South also so I started applying for jobs in the Carolinas all the way to Georgia.  As soon as I was receiving some callbacks, I found out I was pregnant in March of 2016. OOPS!! I also found out I was going to be a single mother.  So moving away was no longer an option.  I had to get through my pregnancy and learn how to be a mother before I could even think about moving or starting another job. Most people thought my life was over and that I would be stuck in Pgh until my son was at least 18. However, I knew that wasn't the case. I knew that God had good plans for me. I made a promise to myself that before my son turned 5 years old, we would move to the South. I wanted stability for him so I knew I didn't want to make him switch schools once he started Kindergarten.  I wasn't going to give up on my dream, but I needed to put his best interest first.

In 2018, things began to settle down.  My son was 1.5 years old. My job was still the same, and things were stagnant. I knew I needed to get out my company if  I wanted to advance and be motivated each day.  I decided to apply for jobs in Pgh (2 companies were located downtown).  I hated the city and the commute, but I knew they were good opportunities.  Within 2 days of sending in my resume, I received a call to come in for an interview. Within less than 2 weeks, I was offered a job as a Senior CRM Analyst. I didn't want to go back downtown for work, but I knew I needed this opportunity to grow.  I was able to negotiate two days a week at home.  BABY STEPS! Got to start somewhere to get where you want to go!  I accepted the offer and never looked back. This company paid for me to become a Certified Salesforce Administrator.  This company challenged me to overcome my fears and learn so much about not only sales operations but about myself.  I have learned to push myself out of my comfort zone and take risks.

In 2019, I figured I was ready to start searching for jobs again the South, but nothing was panning out. I was having phone interviews and flying to Charlotte NC for some interviews, but the money wasn't in my ballpark.  I needed the salary to match my worth.  I needed to be able to provide for my son and I without living paycheck to paycheck. I turned down a job offer in July 2019.  I was bent out of shape.  I was sad that I wasn't able to get out of PA even thought I was trying so hard.  I decided to pump the brakes on the job search. My son was still only 2.5 years old so I knew I still had 2.5 years to leave. I put my faith in God and stopped pushing so hard for a little while. Just when I did that, that is when things started to turn around in my favor.  In October of 2019, the company whose offer I had turned down (back in July) reached out to me.  They flew me out to NC and offered me the money I had asked for.  Lesson  I learned: don't settle & know your worth!  Keep hustling until someone recognizes your worth! When I went to resign from my company in Pgh, they ended up countering.  They said "we will let you work remote from wherever you wish and increase your salary." Well, that was a no brainer!  So, off to the beach I went in January 2020.

It may take longer than you plan to accomplish your dream, but if you don't stop hustling, you'll get there! It took me 15 years to get back to my place of serenity. Life is full of setbacks. Life is full of  failures and twists and turns. It doesn't matter that I was knocked down during the process. It doesn't matter that I heard words of negativity during it all.  It doesn't matter that I got pregnant. Others thought all that would stop me, but it NEVER did. I used all my trials and tribulations as MOTIVATION.  My son changed my life for the better. God turns every "bad" thing into something beautiful.  With pain, comes strength and determination.  I will always be a HUSTLER! I won't ever let anyone (parents, siblings, son's father, friends, exes) steal mys shine.

South Carolina is HOME because of my HUSTLE!!!

~ J. Lynn

My Mama is Fighting CLL

In the summer of 2010, my mama was diagnosed with CLL (Chronic Lyphocytic Leukemia).  CLL is a type of cancer of the blood and bone marrow. This type of cancer progresses slowly so she has been able to manage it for the last 10 years without treatment. This past spring, her symptoms increased and she was hospitalized for a few days. She switched oncologists after being hospitalized and has been going to monthly for check-ups. In November, she started taking an oral chemotherapy treatment.  Shortly after taking a few doses of it, she had terrible side effects and immediately had to stop taking the pills.

Now, here we are in January 2020... today she begins intravenous chemotherapy treatment for the next six months. I am sitting on my couch in South Carolina, and she is currently in a bed at West Penn Hospital in Pennsylvania. All I can do for her no matter where I am is PRAY. I know that God knows my heart and my mama's heart.  I know that He is a WAY MAKER.  God will hold her hand on this journey and lead her each step of the way.

Loved ones and friends can only do so much.  Yes -- we can call her and encourage her.  Yes -- we can send a card or make a meal.... but that won't change what is. Even the doctors can't change what is. Medicine may help her symptoms, but truthfully only God can change her situation. Bad things happen to good people and bad people. God doesn't treat people differently like we do. Life is precious so we have to hold onto the good memories. We also have to pray during the good times and bad times. We need to thank God for our blessings each day and we also need to ask Him for help when we are struggling.

I'm going to ask all my prayer warriors to say ONE simple prayer for my mama.
"Give her comfort and strength during this battle. Remind her that she is loved."

My mama will be coming to visit me in eight days if she is feeling well enough to make the ten hour drive. I have faith that she WILL be here soon. When she gets here, we will make more memories together.  I will take her to the ocean whether it's rainy or sunny. The ocean is so healing to me. It is serenity.  I believe God created the ocean to make us feel at peace no matter what the circumstances are.

Well, that is all for now ... I am signing off to go spend this Monday with my son (my biggest blessing)! I pray ya'll have faith like I do. Make today count!

~ J. Lynn

For the first time in my life, I'm living...

I feel like for the first time in my life, I’m living. I literally can’t express how present I feel. I don’t have one worry in the world. Why is it that I am 34 years old and just now my dream has come true? Answer to that is God’s timing is the best timing!

It’s day 18 in South Carolina and I feel more “at home” than I have ever felt in my life. The funny thing is, I don’t even have a home here yet. Dante and I are temporarily staying at my parents’ house as we are searching for our new home. We have been house hunting on the weekends with my dear friend, Lindsie, who happens to be a realtor. Searching for your home with a friend is so much fun by the way!

Dante has been in his new preschool for two full weeks now. The first week was really tough, but he was so brave! I had to reassure him each day that I would be there to pick him up around 4:30pm. I gave him big hugs and told him that each day would get a little easier (sure enough, the days did!). He is enjoying the new atmosphere and being able to go outside every day for play time. I am so very proud of him.

Dante misses his dad, nana and pap the most. He talks to each of them every single day. He talks to his dad in the morning, after school and before bed. Thank goodness for FaceTime! I know it isn’t easy on him being away from his dad, but he is so happy here. He lets him know that he misses him and loves him dearly, but the beach is our home now. It took a long time for them to have this amazing bond and I thank God every day for that. I truly believe that Dante knows who puts in the effort and who doesn’t. He knows that his dad loves him with everything in him. However, he also knows that I will never fail him. He knows that I’m the one who would cross an ocean to give him whatever he needed with no questions asked. I pray often that his dad comes to our new home so that he can experience for himself how happy our son is.

I miss my friends, but I don’t miss being in Pittsburgh at all. I never really saw my friends that often for it to matter where I live. Everyone has their own life. Everyone has a family or a career or a relationship that they put first. Friendship is different as an adult than it is when you’re in school. Friends don’t see each other routinely as an adult.

I left Pittsburgh because I wanted to put my family (my son and I) first. I want us to wake up happy every day (and we have since January 1). We have no toxic relationships here or negative energy. We are each other’s main focus. My son is my best friend. He’s my purpose for living. He’s the sole reason I’m still alive.

Y’all, please live your best life NOW! Life is too short not to. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from making choices that you want to make. I’m so thankful that I didn’t listen to all the voices telling me not to move to South Carolina. I followed my intuition like I always do. God won’t steer you wrong!

~ J. Lynn

6 Months with Dante Kai

A little over 6 months ago, the most precious and sweetest human being entered my life.  Ever since 10:44 AM on December 18th, 2016 - my life got flipped RIGHT SIDE UP!  God completely transformed my world when he brought this beautiful boy into it.  I used to blog constantly, but now not so much because I dedicate most of my free time to my son.  However, when I have amazing thoughts like I am having today - I set the time aside to share them with my followers (if I still have any left, haha).  I've always been a spiritual person & always knew God was in control.  After being abandoned and having my son without his father around, I chose to LET GO & LET GOD. People are always asking me if it's hard raising Dante Kai on my own.  The truth is, I am not alone though.  First and foremost, I have God. Secondly, I have a village of amazing people always helping out and cheering me on.  If it weren't for Dante, I wouldn't have met these people who I cherish so much.  For example, my doula is now a huge part of our lives, and I'm grateful beyond words for her.  Plus, a few of the friends I already had showed me so much love when I needed it most and didn't even expect to receive it.  Things happen for a reason - whether you choose to believe that or not.  I am telling you from experience.  A year ago, I thought my life was ending.  Fast forward to today, my life is only beginning.  

My son is a BLESSING, a MIRACLE, a SANCTIFICATION!  He has not only changed my life, he has changed the people around us.  He has opened others' eyes and hearts to see things they didn't see before him.  I get to spend more time with my friends because of him.  Everyone reaches out to me because they miss his face on the daily.  So regardless of the fact that his father doesn't want much to do with him, life is GREAT.  I am making the most of life now. Dante and I are constantly making new memories each and every day.  Dante has a heart of gold, the most contagious smile and a laugh that I can't get enough of.  When I wake up to his beautiful face each morning, I instantly thank our God.  I don't even question anything from my past because I know this is where I am supposed to be.  I have made many mistakes, but I must have done something right because God blessed me with this amazing human.  I will live each remaining day of my life in awe of this miracle.  I will cherish and love my son unconditionally.  He will grow up to know how much love was always surrounding him. Also, he will learn from me to have a solid foundation and relationship with Jesus Christ.

Well, enough of the sappy stuff -- Dante is sitting up on his own, almost crawling and eating all the fruits and veggies I give him.  He is babbling a ton, and his first word was "Dada".  I'm impatiently waiting for him to say "Mama".😍  He has been swimming this summer and is absolutely loving it.  He is going to be an ocean child just like his mama!  I am teaching him how to have fun and laugh as much as possible.  He has so much personality at a such a young age. Everywhere I take him, people admire him and tell me how blessed I am (even though I am aware).  He is going to be one of the kids that fits in anywhere.  He is going to be kind, loyal and smart (darn it, he already is!).  I swear he takes more care of me & he doesn't even realize it yet.  He made the broken beautiful.💙

To all of my fellow mamas out there - be sure to take a moment each day and tell your child(ren) how much you love them.  It may seem so simple, but I think it's important for them to hear it no matter what age they are.  Being reminded that you are loved never gets old (not for any of us)!

Cheers to December 18th, 2016 - the best day of my life for so many reasons!

~ J. Lynn

Getting Domesticated for Dante

I never thought I'd spend hours in the kitchen, but it's enjoyable when I know I'm benefiting my son, Dante!  Meal prep Sundays are only going to get crazier (for a short time frame).

Here's why I prefer homemade baby food:

• I know exactly what my son is eating.  
• It’s more economical than buying pre-packaged foods.
• I can choose my own fruits, vegetables, and other foods for purees, instead of relying on the flavors chosen by manufacturers. I would never be able to find avocados or barley in the baby food section of the supermarket.
• It gets my son used to eating the same food as the rest of the family -- just in puree form.
• I can customize my purees to the exact consistency my baby needs and instead of thinning the purees with water, I can use formula for added nutrition.
• Oh, and it tastes better too!

The 2 disadvantages to making your own baby food:

• Prepackaged baby foods come in measured amounts and ready to serve.
• It takes time to make and prepare lots of little servings of homemade baby food.  It’s much faster to pick up prepackaged servings.

PS: You don't need expensive equipment either.  Most purees are made by either steaming or baking fruits and vegetables, then pureeing them. So basically, you need a pot, steamer basket, and something to do the pureeing—a food processor, or blender. 

Tricks & Tips: 

When you're first starting out, you’ll want to feed your baby single-food purees, but after you’ve introduced several fruits and veggies, you can start mixing and matching them. Personally, I make batches of single-food purees and then combine them before serving.

I try to stick to in-season local produce, but I also use frozen produce too if needed. I steam it until it’s heated through and soft, then puree it like any other produce.

  

I freeze all of the purees I make because they don’t last more than 2-3 days in the fridge.  You can use a regular ice cube tray, or get a silicone one.  Once the purees are frozen solid, I pop them out and put them in a freezer bag labeled with the puree name and the date it was made. Frozen purees will last in the freezer for 2-3 months. 

   



Frozen purees can be heated on the stove or in the microwave, but my favorite method is not heating them at all, but thawing instead. I transfer the cubes to a small glass baby food container and pop it in the fridge until the puree has thawed.  If the puree is something best served warm, like sweet potatoes, I put hot water in a bigger bowl, then place the smaller bowl with the puree inside the big bowl and gently warm it up.

~ J. Lynn

Just HUSH ... It's That Simple!

Learn to keep your mouth shut. Seriously, it’s NOT that hard.  It doesn’t matter how trivial you think the story is, don’t share it.  If it's not your story to tell, don't freakin' tell it.  I’ve always made it a point to respect other people’s wishes.  If someone hasn't revealed something, there's obviously a reason for it.  If you claim to be their friend, you especially shouldn't be gossiping about them to others.

People gossip constantly.  People are insecure, so they talk about other people so that they won’t be talked about. They point out the negatives in other people's lives to make them feel better about their own life.  Gossip is not only a bad habit, it is also an arrogant sin.  Some feel powerful if they have information to divulge about another person.  Do not encourage gossip and rumors. If you cannot avoid hearing, you don’t have to repeat.

We live in a world where we want to be the first to know, the first to share, and first to break the news. We thrive on spreading shocking news, and have little regard for those it could affect, but it’s NOT your story to tell.

Even though I enjoy blogging, I'm a pretty private person.  I don't share every detail of my life on here.  I only share what I believe can help others.  I blog about things after I've dealt with them on my own.  I blog to clear my mind.  I certainly don't blog so that people will pity me.  I'm cautious about what I post because I know how people are these days.  People are always sharing your story for you - good or bad.  Even when I was pregnant, I waited 20 weeks before sharing that news.  The moment I did, it was like a wildfire.  Your good news should be yours to spread and feel excited about.  Others always want to rain on your parade. Your bad news should not be gossiped about either, but it happens anyways.  No one can understand your emotions, but YOU.  

Unless you have walked in my shoes or the person's shoes you are talking about, don't say you understand & don't say you spread their news out of concern.  That is just that BULLSHIT.  Yes, I am calling your BLUFF.

Comfort & Privacy to All ....

~ J. Lynn

Life Is A Box of Chocolates...

"Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." - Forrest Gump

My life is certainly like a box of chocolates -- I never thought I'd get what I got, but I wouldn't change a thing!  With getting pregnant unexpectedly and being a single mom from day one, my life has been a whirlwind.  I have always been a goal digger and a planner.  I've learned that you can't plan everything, but you can always accomplish your goals as long as you give the effort.  

Don't let anyone keep you from being YOU.  Don't let anyone make you feel inferior.  Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your shortcomings or unplanned life events.  I've been judged most of my life.  I've been teased about my weight.  I've been gossiped about for dating another race.  I've been labeled for having premarital sex.  The list goes on and on.  Not only have strangers passed judgment on me, but so has my family.  It's a cruel world out there, but you have to remember to focus on God and all things positive.  

We can't worry about what may or may not happen.  We can only focus on what we have control over.  You have to let Jesus take the wheel.  You have to strive to achieve the goals necessary to get where you want in life.  You can't let anyone or anything get in the way of your destiny.  Have faith and you will end up seeing what you were once only believing. 

Others may view me as a "f***-up", a "slut", a "fat girl", a "skinny girl", "big sinner", etc. BUT what matters is how I view myself.  I am NOT a f***-up,  I am NOT too fat or too skinny.  I am NOT a slut.  I AM a sinner, but hey - we all are -- we're HUMAN.

No matter what trials and tribulations I go through, I always come out on top.  I continue to strive through the shitty days and disappointments.  I stay focused on God's word.  I keep my mind filled with positive thoughts, and I chase my damn goals like every woman should!  While I was on maternity leave, I had three goals that I wanted to accomplish -- (1) live in the present moment with my son (2) become a certified personal trainer (3) lose the majority of my pregnancy weight gain.  Well guess what?  I DID ALL THAT!

I used to be a naive girl who believed that I needed others to validate my worth.  Now, I know MUCH better.  I refuse to let anyone tell me who I am.  I ignore the nay-sayers and the haters.  I chase my dreams regardless of the cards I get dealt.  Things may take longer than expected, but everything always comes together in the end.  So, this blog post is to INSPIRE & MOTIVATE every woman out there who needs to be lifted up and reminded that they are worthy of their dreams. It doesn't matter what kind of chocolate you get, it all turns out to be AMAZING!

~ J. Lynn

Stop Being Bitter & Start Being Better

We have all experienced hurt and pain in our relationships. Some are more painful than others. Sometimes the experience is so painful, it feels like it takes forever to heal, especially when a child is involved too. However, holding a grudge hurts you and your child. It's time to let your anger and frustration go, and begin to forgive. You have to focus on the gift in your situation. 

In my own personal experience, I was deserted by my significant other and my family wasn't happy at all when I told them I was pregnant almost a year ago. My significant other didn't want another child, but he was getting one anyways because abortion wasn't an option for me. My parents didn't want a bi-racial grandchild or a fatherless grandchild, but they were going to get both. The hurt that came over me was indescribable. Nonetheless, I chose to focus on my blessing (my son) and live a positive life through all the tribulations.

Here are your action steps:
1. Recognize the problem.
Why are you persisting to hold a grudge? Allow yourself to see the real issue. Then you can then make a choice to move forward from there.

2. Share your feelings.
A grudge can form when an issue isn’t fully confronted, and stand in the way of any forward growth. Without being judgmental about yourself or another, explain your feelings on the situation. Decide if this is something you will work on yourself, with a therapist, and/or by having a conversation with the other person. Whether you work it out on your own or not, you will feel better by working through it, because processing a situation releases the stress that's built up.

3. Take their perspective.
Put yourself in their shoes. Taking their perspective can give you a better understanding of their point of view and behavior. Maybe they are also in pain or frustrated with the situation. Different people handle situations differently. Now, this doesn’t justify any bad behavior or negativity, but it can help you understand it. The more you understand the other person and their behavior, the easier it is not to let go of a grudge. 

4. Accept what is.
"It is what it is." You can choose to create your own healing, with or without any acknowledgement or apology. Don’t wait for another to come to their senses and apologize -- you may wait for years! 

5. Don’t dwell on it.
Once you have decided to move on, keep on moving. Don’t put too much thought into the situation or continuously discuss it. It will only make things worse and harder to get over. If someone brings the issue up in conversation, change the subject and tell them it's in the past.

6. Own the situation.
If you take the position that it's all on you, then you own 100% of the responsibility. The person who does that is not a victim, but a victor!

7. Let it go.
Work on letting it go so you don't have any negative energy on the situation at all, and that's when it starts to get good. You'll feel so much relief.

8. Forgive.
Of course forgiving doesn’t mean you will forget what's happened, but it’s the only way to truly let go and have peace.

9. Get positive and be grateful.
There are positive aspects even in the most negative of situations. God turns every bad circumstance into something good.
 
Here's my story of how and why I chose to become better instead of bitter. I chose to be in a relationship with my son's father. He knew I wanted a child, and I knew he didn't. Nonetheless, we weren't cautious about having sex. He may be the biggest bastard on Earth (or at least a competitor) but you know what? I fell in love with him and had his child. I shared my feelings with him when I took a pregnancy test and it turned out positive. He decided to not care about how I felt and completely walked away from the situation. After that day, I thought about his perspective and decided to accept his choice. I knew I couldn't change how he felt. Then, I had to tell my family that I was going to be a single mother of a bi-racial baby. My family wasn't happy with me. They thought that I should have been more aware of who I was involved with. They didn't understand why I was having sex when I wasn't married. Basically, they told me my life was over and that they would never forgive me for ruining their lives. After all of that, I chose to distance myself from the negativity until they either disowned me or decided to accept what was happening. Thankfully, by the Grace of God, my family came around. My family loves my son more than anything in this world. My son's father still hasn't come around, but I'm totally content because my son receives enough love from me and others.

I'm BETTER not BITTER ..... You can be too!

~ J. Lynn

Enjoy a Hearty Breakfast

By eating a hearty breakfast, you’ll give your metabolism a jump start and be in better control of your cravings. When we miss our first fuel of the day, we are often hungry by mid-morning and more likely to engage in mindless nibbling, snacking, overeating, and over compensating for any calories “saved” by skipping breakfast. But if you’re not ready for breakfast early in the morning, listen to your body and eat when you feel it’s best for you.

If I don’t have breakfast, I’m useless for the majority of the day.

However, I don’t have much time in the morning. As a result, I’ve learned to make quick, easy breakfasts, like scrambled eggs, overnight oats, and chia pudding.

Chia pudding might sound like a snack or dessert, but chia pudding is actually perfect for a fast, healthy breakfast. Chia pudding is simple to make amd requires no cooking. One ounce of chia seeds contains 4 grams of protein, 11 grams of fiber, and a ton of healthy omega-3 fatty acids, which are believed to help prevent heart disease.

To get the best consistency, you need the correct ratio of chia seeds to liquid. Too many and you’ll end up with solid chunk of chia seeds; too few: chia soup. Once you combine the chia seeds with liquid, you’ll need to let the mixture rest in the refrigerator for at least four hours before enjoying. To serve, top with your favorite fruits, nuts, or seasonings.

~ J. Lynn

Food Matters

When hunger strikes, if there’s not something healthy within reach, or ingredients that I can turn into a meal in minutes, I’m far more likely to devour peanut butter with a spoon or order a Primanti's sandwich. On the flip side, when I’ve stocked and prepped a good supply of healthy foods and — this is ESSENTIAL — wrote up a menu plan for the week, I can walk right past those temptations. When I'm prepared, I can heat up some grilled chicken to top off a salad or grab an apple from my counter.

Planning what to what to eat and making simple preparations ahead of time allows me to eat healthy all week and enjoy a home-cooked meal even when I'm busy studying at night. Here are some TIPS to help you learn how to MEAL PREP like a PRO.

Plan:

You can eat healthy every day without having a cooking marathon. I plan a week of meals at a time, checking my calendar to figure out which days will allow enough time to actually cook, and which days I'm going to be rushed. I make a menu of the meals I want for the week. To this, I add healthy snacks, including fruits and vegetables. Then, I create a shopping list from my menu.

Shop & Prep:

Once you have your meal plan, and have returned from the store, it’s time to begin washing, chopping, cooking some ingredients, and properly storing foods to keep them fresh until you’re ready to eat them.

Proteins:

Chicken, beef, pork, and fish all freeze well, and can be divided into individual portions and frozen for future use. If you can, splurge for organic meat and poultry.

I keep individually wrapped uncooked, boneless chicken breasts in the freezer so they’re ready to go when I want them. They can be diced and tossed in a stir-fry; wrapped in foil with fresh herbs, lemon, and olive oil and baked; or grilled and shredded for chicken salad, to name just a few options. 

Fish is a natural for the freezer. Choose firm fish, like wild-caught salmon, tuna, herring, or mackerel. The good news is, these can go straight from the freezer to the oven or the grill (just add a few minutes to the cooking time in your recipe).

Eggs are an excellent source of protein and can be quickly cooked in many recipes, so it’s always good to have some in the fridge, where they stay fresh for 3-5 weeks. Hard-boiled eggs add protein to salads and are a quick, easy snack.

Whole Grains & Pasta:

Whole grain pasta, brown rice, barley, quinoa, and farro are all pantry staples that can help you pull unrelated ingredients into a unified dish, with no prior planning. Cook a large batch of rice or quinoa up and keep it in the fridge for future meals. 

Fruits & Vegetables:

It’s important to keep your kitchen stocked with fruits and vegetables. When you get your groceries home, thoroughly clean your sink, then fill it with water and drop the vegetables in. Scrub sturdy vegetables with a soft brush, then set them to dry on clean towels. Pre-chop veggies like carrots, bell peppers, onions, and store them in the fridge so they’re ready to sauté or add to salads.

Keep a variety of fruits on hand for healthy snacks and to use in breakfasts and salads. I eat more fruit if I keep it in plain sight, washed and ready to eat in a bowl on the table. 

Dressings & Marinades:

Don’t bring bottled dressings into your kitchen. They’re full of sugar, unhealthy oil, and preservatives. You can make your own in minutes. 

Soups & Sauces:

If you’re going to make soup or sauce, why just make a little? Make a double batch, then freeze single portions. Avoid freezing dairy-based sauces as the dairy can become grainy when thawed.

Planning and pre-prepping may feel like a lot of work at first, but with practice it gets more intuitive and even fun to figure out combinations that can mix and match for a week of good eating.

~ J. Lynn

First Month as a First Time Mama

BOOM, I’ve somehow survived this first month of motherhood! After an extremely painful labor, spending three stressful days in the NICU, and countless tears ... Dante & I finally got settled at home. I could write an entire book of what I’ve experienced in the last month but you’d probably read a few paragraphs and get bored so I thought I'd just discuss the highlights with you.

When Dante was born, I thought his father would show up at the hospital, but he didn't. I also thought I would get to hold my son all night long and watch him fall asleep, but instead he was transferred to the NICU at a different hospital from where he was delivered. Since I only spent about a hour with him after he was born, I didn't get much skin to skin contact with him. 

The following day I asked to be discharged so I could go visit my son. However, when I showed up at the NICU, I was only allowed to visit for about a hour and wasn't able to breastfeed him. The first time I really tried to nurse him was on day three of his life. He latched on well, but I was only getting some colostrum. The nurses encouraged me to pump every 2 hours to increase milk production. I tried unenthusiastically a couple of times after a nurse showed me how to use the electric pump and stood there waiting for me to give it a go. I didn’t continue to pump because I was exhausted and in so much pain. It was only when I left the hospital and in the privacy of my own home, I finally pumped for the first time for real. And just as I feared, nothing came out. Well, I shouldn’t say nothing — a very little amount of milk came out. I continued pumping about seven times a day — getting only the tiniest amount of breast milk. I dreaded the end of a pumping session as much as I counted the seconds until its arrival because it was at the end that my insufficiency was always confirmed. I usually got only half an ounce. A newborn baby drinks an average of 24 ounces of milk each day and here I was producing only a small fraction of that. About a week and a half later, Dante's pediatrician gave me the contact information for a breastfeeding center. I decided to make an appointment with a lactation consultant. During the appointment, I discovered that I had a lot of strikes against me and most likely, I wouldn't ever produce much more milk. I was told to take Fenugreek supplements every day, three times a day and to do breast compressions. I tried those recommendations for another week and when the benefit stopped feeling worth the sacrifice, I quit. There was a limit to what I could withstand emotionally and physically. It’s an unbelievably lonely feeling to not be able to breastfeed your baby if you wish you could. However, slowly but surely, the shame of being inadequate has subsided and now I am experiencing relief. I’m relieved that I have the time and emotional reserve to enjoy my baby in a way I couldn’t before. I’m relieved that I never have to worry about suffering the consequences of engorged breasts. I’m relieved that after nearly a year of growing a baby, my body is mine again. I can drink and eat whatever I want without fretting. But what I’m most relieved about is that the love between my baby and me has not been compromised by the way I feed him.

Postpartum isn't easy nor sexy! I developed a varicose vein on my vagina about seven weeks before I delivered, and I still have it. It hurts like hell along with these hemorrhoids I got from pushing for three hours. I sat on a doughnut for about a week and had no shame! I bled like a red river for the first week and had to change my diaper almost every time I changed Dante's. I had to make a trip to my OBGYN within the first two weeks. The only good thing about that visit was my doctor telling me how nice and flat my stomach looked for only being 10 days postpartum and how much my partner should love me. When I told him that I didn't have a partner, he said "well, that's his loss!" HAHA! My tummy may be flat, but the fact that I can't exercise is driving me crazy. I have to wait two more weeks, and I don't know if I really will. My clothes fit pretty well, but I have so much loose skin that needs toned. My baby boy weighs 10 pounds now, but when I lift him, it seems like 100 pounds because I'm so weak.

It's true what they say about first time mothers worrying about every little thing. We've already made three trips to Dante's pediatrician in just four short weeks. All of his doctor's appointments turned out well, despite the fact that I thought every symptom he had was fatal. I stayed awake for the first few nights staring at him and checking his temperature every couple hours. I was paranoid that the love of my life was not feeling well. He's been constipated and had a clogged tear duct, but those issues are minor. All I can do is try to remain calm and trust that God will take care of him. I laugh at the things I worried about after the fact. God is good, and Dante will be just fine. He's the happiest baby I've ever seen. He smiles about ninety percent of the time. He is already laughing and staring into my eyes to let me know that he is alright. The day I stopped nursing him, he put his arm around my waist for the first time and gave me a hug. My child is healthier and smarter than I even want to believe.

If you need help, ask for it. Our first few weeks at home, I had my mama stay the night because I genuinely had no idea what I was doing and was totally exhausted from the pain and sleepless nights. I'll be honest - it’s extremely difficult to do by yourself. I had no clue how time consuming babies were and how the simplest of things like going for a shower, having a cup of coffee or writing a blog post were going to become monumental accomplishments! Whether it’s your husband, family member or friend — let them help you so that you can remain sane.

Babies grow so quickly! Don't buy more than a few newborn outfits. Dante was so long that he wasn't able to fit into newborn clothes after a week or so. My opinion is you can’t have too many sleepers and sleep sacs. He has so many cute outfits, but he hasn’t wore hardly any of them mainly because we don't go out much and I just want him to be comfortable.

I have one last piece of advice from the biggest lesson I've learned. Sleep when your baby is sleeping. I know this is well-known piece of advice but it’s true. There is nothing worse than dealing with a fussy baby while struggling to keep your eyes open. I have trouble sleeping during the daylight so if I can't fall asleep, I at least rest on the couch. Take every chance you get to relax. I'm so thankful that I decided to take 12 weeks of maternity leave because the time is already flying by. 

Being a MAMA is AMAZING!

~ J. Lynn